Beats working for a living

Paranoia paid us a visit this morning. My wife had seen our English guests before they left for their day trip and she said that they didn't look happy. I wonder what is wrong with them? Is it the accommodation, is it us, had I brushed my teeth before I spoke with them; all that and a million other negative thoughts ran through my head. Just as the millionth negative thought entered my mind, my wife asked if I had brushed my teeth this morning; according to her, it smelt of garlic sausage. We had that last night so it made me think that I had found the culprit for their distant reaction this morning.

We are fully booked this week and have one English family and two American families. I had organised a soiree for the evening and asked if they would attend. My master plan was to bring us all together to chat and discuss the differences between our great nations. The only differences that I could think about after my wife told me the news of my garlic sausage breath, was that the American's probably spent more time with a toothbrush.

In the afternoon, I was invited to have a chat by the English family and as paranoia was still shadowing me, I was sure that it would be negative. In fact, it was the opposite. They were very positive about their holiday, the accommodation and didn't once mention the strange smell of garlic sausage that was following me.

Later that evening, having been shopping again for the bits and bobs for our evening party, true to their word, the guests started to arrive. After the obligatory pleasantries and wooden stances, we started to relax and started sharing stories. One of the American men, Curt, was a larger than life character. He would have not looked out of place in a holywood action movie; and yes, he had the perfect white teeth that makes all English people envious.

One of the major talking points for the evening was the lack of guns in England. The Americans sat on one side of the table scratching their heads, wondering why we do not have anti-tank weapons, proximity mines and 50mm machine guns in our living rooms. On the other side of the table, the English were mesmorised by the shiny white teeth of the Americans. Curt mentioned that he has a safe full of ammunition at his home in the United States and another full of weapons. I mentioned the fact that the British Army has insufficient money and materials to supply its soldiers fighting in Afghanistan. Perhaps he could help out and ship some equipment from his ranch.

As the beer flowed and the conversation  moved from topic to guns and back to other topics, I couldn't help thinking that this beats working for a living!